 My smile is real. But it’s only a fragment of my story. It’s learned to take center stage—the part the world most easily accepts. As any survivor knows, not everyone can hear your story. Don’t stop sharing it. Just find the ones who can hold space for it. It’s been a wild week. More than two years after a crime was committed against me, the other party has finally been found guilty—not even found guilty, but pleaded guilty. Two years. In that time, I have been accused in court records more than a dozen times of being “vindictive,” “adversarial,” “high-conflict,” and more—simply for defending my rights and trying to hold the perpetrator accountable. I thought I would feel validated when justice came. Instead, I felt numb. My mind told me this was good news—proof that what I had endured was real. But my body didn’t believe it. My nervous system didn’t suddenly feel safe just because the words “guilty plea” were entered into the record. Violation—and the intense gaslighting, ongoing harassment, manipulation, and retaliation cloaked in legal filings and loopholes that followed for years—cannot be swept away with a single plea. Especially when that plea carries little consequence. At present, despite a guilty plea, there is no one who is prosecuting this crime. The perpetrator walks freely, living life as though nothing ever happened. I, meanwhile, am still carrying tens of thousands of dollars in debt for costs I had to incur to defend myself against the very acts that have now been admitted as crimes. And I carry other debts too—the ones no court can measure. The memories that live in my body, the nervous system that still braces for impact, the echoes that take time to quiet. That is all I will say, for now, about the incident itself. But I will say this: Healing doesn’t begin when justice is served—it begins when we choose to reclaim our power, even when the system fails to protect us. It took two years of standing in my truth—of holding my power, trusting my knowing, and staying rooted in my spiritual practice—before that truth was finally acknowledged. This moment isn’t just about a single win; it’s about the strength it takes to stand firm in what you know is right, even when others try to extinguish your light. Because this isn’t just my story—it’s one of countless others. Every time a survivor speaks, another crack forms in the silence that protects abusers and a system that so often looks the other way. This is why we need to keep telling our stories. I’ve walked this path—through disbelief and denial, through long nights of doubt and the small, steady steps back toward truth. And now, I walk beside other women as they find their way through the darkness too—reminding them that healing is possible, justice can take many forms, and their voice matters. ✨ If this story resonates with you, share it. Speak your truth. Or reach out if you need a hand finding your way forward—you don’t have to walk this alone. 🫶 💫 Book a session 💫 Join the Rebirth Course 💫 Explore the Rebirth Oracle Deck 💫 Explore the Rebirth Oracle Journal 💫 Explore the Rebirth Oracle Prints 💫 Explore the Rebirth Rituals 💫 Follow along on Instagram → @a_divorce_doula With love and deep gratitude to walk alongside you,
💖 Natasha Divorce Doula • Artist • Survivor • Advocate Certified High-Conflict Divorce Coach • Reiki Master • Educator
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I never set out to become a Divorce Doula.
After years of questioning, once I finally decided to leave, I thought the hard part was behind me—the years of not knowing whether he would finally heal and get help. I finally accepted the truth and was delighted to move on. I thought the hard part was behind me. But I was wrong. What came after—the courtrooms, the gaslighting, the legal costs, the pain on my child’s face, the retaliation cloaked in legal motions, the way the system bent itself to protect power—that’s where I almost lost myself. And that’s where this work began. What is a Divorce Doula? A divorce doula is someone who walks alongside you during one of the most difficult transitions of your life. I like to think of it as having a birth doula and a death doula—but for the death of a relationship and the birth of a new life. A Divorce Doula isn’t your lawyer. She’s not your therapist. She’s not here to diagnose or litigate. She’s the one holding a flashlight in the dark, saying: “I’ve been here. I know the terrain. You don’t have to do this alone.” A Divorce Doula helps you:
And most importantly, she reminds you: This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of your rebirth. Why I Do This Work I do this work because I lived it. Because I walked out of a relationship where I was silenced, surveilled, shamed, and dismissed. Because I spent years navigating a court system that punished me for trying to protect myself and my child. Because I went searching for support—and found too few people who truly understood the terrain of post-separation abuse. Because Spirit whispered, “This is not about you and him. This is a collective issue.” And because I realized that my story isn’t just my story—it's ours. I do this work to honor the women who came before me—the ones who didn’t survive the process, or who still live in hiding, emotionally or physically. I do this for the mothers trying to stay sane while preparing court documents on three hours of sleep. I do this for the woman scrolling the internet at midnight thinking, “What do I do now?” I do this because no one should have to walk through the fire alone. What I Offer I work with people at every stage of divorce—from the quiet first whispers of “something’s not right,” to the breakdown, the leaving, the legal onslaught, the rebuilding. I offer:
Because divorce isn’t just a legal event. It’s a soul initiation. And like any sacred transformation, you deserve to be held through it. You’re Not Alone If you’re reading this with a pit in your stomach or a lump in your throat—if you feel lost, angry, exhausted, afraid—know this: You’re not broken. You’re breaking free. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a hand to hold. A next step. A witness. That’s what I’m here for. 💫 Explore the Rebirth Oracle Deck 💫 Book a session 💫 Follow along on Instagram → @a_divorce_doula With deep gratitude to all those who walked before me-- I have devoted my life to paving a better way for all those who walk after. With love and deep gratitude to walk alongside you, 💖 Natasha Divorce Doula • Artist • Survivor • Advocate Certified High-Conflict Divorce Coach • Reiki Master • Educator  As women, most of us were taught that anger is “bad,” something to be avoided and definitely not to be expressed. We are taught from a young age that anger is unpleasant, and to be unpleasant is to be unworthy. These messages often come from our families, and they are further reinforced by society. While we were all born with an anger response to boundary violations, women have been conditioned not to feel or express it. Numerous studies show that anger among men is perceived as confident, influential, strong, decisive, credible, and powerful. In contrast, women who express the same emotion are viewed as emotional, irrational, unfavorable, difficult, dangerous, or unhinged. Men are not only allowed to be angry; they are commended for it. Conversely, women are not only prohibited from expressing anger; they are shamed into denying they even feel it. The message is clear: stay silent. Yet, when we deny our anger, we deny our truth, our experiences, our longings, and our needs. Answering your call to anger may bring disruption, and that is exactly the revolutionary change we need. Rebecca Traister author of Good And Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger states, “What is bad for women, when it comes to anger, are the messages that cause us to bottle it up, let it fester, keep it silent, feel shame, and isolation for ever having felt it or re-channel it in inappropriate directions. What is good for us is opening our mouths and letting it out, permitting ourselves to feel it and say it and think it and act on it and integrate it into our lives, just as we integrate joy and sadness and worry and optimism.”  Our patriarchal society constantly dismisses and demonized women’s anger rather than examining the justifiable reasons for that anger. While expressing anger is often seen as a violation of gender norms for women, it is also necessary — now more than ever. Anger stimulates change, and as we collectively awaken to significant shifts in our world, we need women to bring their anger to the table — not only expressing it but also using it as a catalyst to participate in the changes being made. Anger is not only an emotional response to a violation of boundaries; it is a rational response to the many constant violent acts and threats that women face daily in our country and worldwide. It can move us from what is to what ought to be, from pain to hope, and from compliance to change. Severing ourselves from the emotion that protects us from danger, violence, and injustice only fuels the dangers, violence, and injustices committed against us daily. Rather than shaming women’s anger, let us learn to ask “Why?” Let us learn to listen and respond with the care and attention we deserve. Let us no longer deny our anger; instead, let us learn to listen to it, hear its messages, and respond to it with compassion. When we embrace our anger and listen to its messages, we learn to express it responsibly and begin to foster righteous anger in each other and in our daughters, learning to harness this great power gifted to us by our biology. Let us stand strong, together, with virtuous anger, to advocate for the changes we so desperately need! In Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, Soraya Chemaly argues that “our anger is not only justified, it is also an active part of the solution. We are so often encouraged to resist our rage or punished for justifiably expressing it, yet how many remarkable achievements would never have gotten off the ground without the kernel of anger that fueled them? Approached with conscious intention, anger is a vital instrument, a radar for injustice and a catalyst for change. On the flip side, the societal and cultural belittlement of our anger is a cunning way of limiting and controlling our power — one we can no longer abide.”  Women have been so desperately shamed that, rather than feel and express our anger, we suppress it. Suppressed anger is often turned inward. This suppression leads to physical health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and psychosomatic symptoms, including headaches and digestive issues. It also contributes to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and other psychological conditions, including low self-esteem, emotional numbness, and difficulty setting boundaries. Additionally, it can result in relationship problems, self-sabotaging behaviors, and more. Even when we do feel our anger, women often don’t know what to do with it. Sublimation is a psychological defense mechanism in which individuals channel their negative or unacceptable emotions into socially acceptable or constructive activities. This process allows for the expression of anger in a positive and productive way, benefiting not only our personal health but also the health of society as a whole. In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), anger is considered one of the primary emotions that can significantly affect health and well-being. It is viewed as a driving force for all of creation. According to TCM theory, anger is related to the wood element and associated with spring. The wood element represents growth and expansive movement, while spring is a time of new growth and change. Anger is the natural response to an interruption in movement and growth or an impediment to the flow of energy. With this in mind, we can welcome anger as a messenger of energetic disruption and a source of fuel for creation and transformation, becoming a catalyst for necessary change. In TCM, anger is seen as a powerful and vital emotion; it is the energy that allows a flower to bloom. We are still being asked to be silent despite the fact that our anger and vocal expression have led to significant positive social changes. Consider movements such as suffrage, civil rights, and women’s liberation. In 2015, women from the African American Policy Forum (AAPF) founded the #SayHerName campaign to raise awareness about Black girls and women who have been victimized by racist police violence. The 2017 Women’s March, one of the largest single-day protests in U.S. history, was a pivotal moment in the contemporary women’s rights movement, laying the groundwork for continued activism and discussions around gender equality and social justice issues. In 2017, the #MeToo movement began when women publicly shared their experiences, and this collective anger prompted conversations about consent, accountability, and workplace culture, leading to changes in policies and laws regarding sexual harassment. These examples illustrate how women’s anger can serve as a powerful catalyst for social change, challenging existing norms and advocating for justice and equality. Women can leverage our voices in several impactful ways to create meaningful change:
 Anger among women is a universal experience that crosses cultural, social, professional, and political boundaries. It’s essential to create more safe spaces where girls and women can express their justifiable anger towards the patriarchy. Parents should engage their daughters in discussions about healthy ways to recognize, express, and communicate their feelings of anger. Educational institutions should incorporate strategies for addressing anger related to systemic oppression into their curricula. By fostering open dialogues about anger and the limitations imposed on women by our patriarchal society, we can diminish the stigma surrounding female rage and work towards a healthier, more equitable world. So, while you may have never been given an invitation to feel and express your anger, I not only invite you to do so, I also encourage you to. I further urge you to listen to your sisters when they express their anger, to stop shaming your daughters for expressing their anger, to recognize the power that anger holds, and to harness that power for the greater good, using it as a catalyst to cast your vote for the changes that we are collectively experiencing and will continue to experience, with or without your vote. Feel, express, and vote wisely. Your life may depend on it.  |
Natasha Bacca is a Divorce Doula and certified high-conflict divorce coach. Archives
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