An Open Invitation to Women to Feel and Express Their Anger

As women, most of us were taught that anger is “bad,” something to be avoided and definitely not to be expressed. We are taught from a young age that anger is unpleasant, and to be unpleasant is to be unworthy. These messages often come from our families, and they are further reinforced by society. While we were all born with an anger response to boundary violations, women have been conditioned not to feel or express it.

Numerous studies show that anger among men is perceived as confident, influential, strong, decisive, credible, and powerful. In contrast, women who express the same emotion are viewed as emotional, irrational, unfavorable, difficult, dangerous, or unhinged. Men are not only allowed to be angry; they are commended for it. Conversely, women are not only prohibited from expressing anger; they are shamed into denying they even feel it. The message is clear: stay silent. Yet, when we deny our anger, we deny our truth, our experiences, our longings, and our needs. Answering your call to anger may bring disruption, and that is exactly the revolutionary change we need.

Rebecca Traister author of Good And Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger states, “What is bad for women, when it comes to anger, are the messages that cause us to bottle it up, let it fester, keep it silent, feel shame, and isolation for ever having felt it or re-channel it in inappropriate directions. What is good for us is opening our mouths and letting it out, permitting ourselves to feel it and say it and think it and act on it and integrate it into our lives, just as we integrate joy and sadness and worry and optimism.”

Our patriarchal society constantly dismisses and demonized women’s anger rather than examining the justifiable reasons for that anger. While expressing anger is often seen as a violation of gender norms for women, it is also necessary — now more than ever. Anger stimulates change, and as we collectively awaken to significant shifts in our world, we need women to bring their anger to the table — not only expressing it but also using it as a catalyst to participate in the changes being made.

Anger is not only an emotional response to a violation of boundaries; it is a rational response to the many constant violent acts and threats that women face daily in our country and worldwide. It can move us from what is to what ought to be, from pain to hope, and from compliance to change.

Severing ourselves from the emotion that protects us from danger, violence, and injustice only fuels the dangers, violence, and injustices committed against us daily. Rather than shaming women’s anger, let us learn to ask “Why?” Let us learn to listen and respond with the care and attention we deserve. Let us no longer deny our anger; instead, let us learn to listen to it, hear its messages, and respond to it with compassion. When we embrace our anger and listen to its messages, we learn to express it responsibly and begin to foster righteous anger in each other and in our daughters, learning to harness this great power gifted to us by our biology. Let us stand strong, together, with virtuous anger, to advocate for the changes we so desperately need!

In Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, Soraya Chemaly argues that “our anger is not only justified, it is also an active part of the solution. We are so often encouraged to resist our rage or punished for justifiably expressing it, yet how many remarkable achievements would never have gotten off the ground without the kernel of anger that fueled them? Approached with conscious intention, anger is a vital instrument, a radar for injustice and a catalyst for change. On the flip side, the societal and cultural belittlement of our anger is a cunning way of limiting and controlling our power — one we can no longer abide.”

Women have been so desperately shamed that, rather than feel and express our anger, we suppress it. Suppressed anger is often turned inward. This suppression leads to physical health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and psychosomatic symptoms, including headaches and digestive issues. It also contributes to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and other psychological conditions, including low self-esteem, emotional numbness, and difficulty setting boundaries. Additionally, it can result in relationship problems, self-sabotaging behaviors, and more.

Even when we do feel our anger, women often don’t know what to do with it. Sublimation is a psychological defense mechanism in which individuals channel their negative or unacceptable emotions into socially acceptable or constructive activities. This process allows for the expression of anger in a positive and productive way, benefiting not only our personal health but also the health of society as a whole.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), anger is considered one of the primary emotions that can significantly affect health and well-being. It is viewed as a driving force for all of creation. According to TCM theory, anger is related to the wood element and associated with spring. The wood element represents growth and expansive movement, while spring is a time of new growth and change. Anger is the natural response to an interruption in movement and growth or an impediment to the flow of energy. With this in mind, we can welcome anger as a messenger of energetic disruption and a source of fuel for creation and transformation, becoming a catalyst for necessary change. In TCM, anger is seen as a powerful and vital emotion; it is the energy that allows a flower to bloom.

We are still being asked to be silent despite the fact that our anger and vocal expression have led to significant positive social changes. Consider movements such as suffrage, civil rights, and women’s liberation. In 2015, women from the African American Policy Forum (AAPF) founded the #SayHerName campaign to raise awareness about Black girls and women who have been victimized by racist police violence. The 2017 Women’s March, one of the largest single-day protests in U.S. history, was a pivotal moment in the contemporary women’s rights movement, laying the groundwork for continued activism and discussions around gender equality and social justice issues. In 2017, the #MeToo movement began when women publicly shared their experiences, and this collective anger prompted conversations about consent, accountability, and workplace culture, leading to changes in policies and laws regarding sexual harassment. These examples illustrate how women’s anger can serve as a powerful catalyst for social change, challenging existing norms and advocating for justice and equality.

Women can leverage our voices in several impactful ways to create meaningful change:

• Advocacy and Activism: Engage in grassroots movements, protests, or campaigns that align with your values. Joining or forming organizations can amplify efforts and bring attention to important issues.
• Social Media: Utilize platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok to raise awareness, share personal stories, and mobilize support. Social media can be a powerful tool for building community and driving conversations.
• Storytelling: Share personal experiences through writing, speaking, or art. Narratives can humanize issues, inspire others, and foster empathy, making it easier for others to connect with and support causes.
• Public Speaking: Participate in panels, workshops, or community events. Speaking out on issues helps to educate others and can inspire collective action.
• Political Engagement: Get involved in local or national politics, whether by voting, running for office, or advocating for policies that promote gender equality and social justice.
• Education and Mentorship: Educate yourself and others about social issues, and mentor young women and girls to empower them to find and use their own voices.
• Collaborative Efforts: Build coalitions with other marginalized groups to address intersectional issues. Working together can amplify messages and strengthen movements.
• Media Engagement: Write articles, blog posts, or opinion pieces for newspapers and online platforms to contribute to public discourse and highlight underrepresented perspectives.
• Support Each Other: Create networks of support among women. Encouraging and uplifting one another can foster resilience and a stronger collective voice.
• Practice Self-Care: Taking care of mental and emotional well-being ensures that women can sustain their efforts and remain engaged in the long term.
  
  

By using our voices in these ways, women can drive awareness, influence change, and build a more equitable and just society.

Anger among women is a universal experience that crosses cultural, social, professional, and political boundaries. It’s essential to create more safe spaces where girls and women can express their justifiable anger towards the patriarchy. Parents should engage their daughters in discussions about healthy ways to recognize, express, and communicate their feelings of anger. Educational institutions should incorporate strategies for addressing anger related to systemic oppression into their curricula. By fostering open dialogues about anger and the limitations imposed on women by our patriarchal society, we can diminish the stigma surrounding female rage and work towards a healthier, more equitable world.

So, while you may have never been given an invitation to feel and express your anger, I not only invite you to do so, I also encourage you to. I further urge you to listen to your sisters when they express their anger, to stop shaming your daughters for expressing their anger, to recognize the power that anger holds, and to harness that power for the greater good, using it as a catalyst to cast your vote for the changes that we are collectively experiencing and will continue to experience, with or without your vote. Feel, express, and vote wisely. Your life may depend on it.